I never cared about sex when I was 35 or now at 76! Hopefully I will die and be out of this misery. Asking yourself such questions can help you on your way to a more active and satisfying sex life with your wife. Our mouths and fingers still work! At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, Very sad!!! Add to this many complications: conditioning from childhood, feeling you are being used for someone elses pleasure, not being attracted, not meeting your partner at the same emotional level. Cause it needs done. He got the pill from the dr, but with his weight and age, I was just too scared for him to try it. I finally became frustrated with being turned down and just waited for her to initiate sex. She does something she HATES because she loves me, but cant do something she supposedly ENJOYS for 8.5 years. We have had little to no connection with them since. I cant make the same wages I did before my illness, but added to my retirement money, it can get close. Grab Now! She will sit in bed on her phone though. Love and mutual respect must be the basis for any human relationship. She has the house and I have my private place seperate from the main house. . And yeah I can pleasure myself, but that will never be like the real thing. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Then, I got a highly aggressive, estrogen- fired breast cancer. Does your wife struggle with self-love? Should a husband and wife have equal weight in decision making when the husband shoulders ultimate risk for the consequences? Go out and kill a hog, punch a younger guy in the face, ride a harley, do a steroid cycle. A person wants to, and intends to, stay faithful to their spouse in a sexless marriage and be a good Catholic at the same time is faced with, what seems to me, a no win situation. Your wife may not know how to put up her mom hat for the day and refocus on herself, which includes enjoying every aspect of her marriage. If you're dealing with other problems in the relationshipan ongoing argument, an affair, disagreements about decisions related to the kids or work or money, literally anythingthen those tensions may seep into your sex life. I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. My wife and me have been married 9 1/2 years and entered a phas of no sex about 6 months ago. Nothing arouses it. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. As well as almost no feeling there as well. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. You have slipped into being neutral around her, rather than being masculine and making her feel girly in your presence Inside, you may feel very masculine or confident, but she's not going to feel any desire to be affectionate if you don't use your masculinity to make her feel feminine (rather than neutral) in comparison to you. I have been a loyal affectionate hard working husband ( I would say that!) Because of its addictive nature, it rewires the brain by desensitizing you. Marriage is hard work, but worth every moment when the effort is reciprocated. Weekly turned into Monthly then every 3 or 4 months question about sex. For me and many others, this is a serious problem and we are, well, desperate for solutions. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. She may not understand the first time around, but if you keep trying, perhaps shell understand the need to maintain a balance between her roles as a mother and a wife. Marriage, pregnancy, childbirth, coupled with a sea of hormonal changes at different stages of life, can make a woman gain weight and send her self-esteem nosediving. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. At your age, dont run until you exhaust all your options. Arguments and maltreatment are nothing to put up with. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. She had a hysterectomy years ago do to cancer concerns, about 5 years ago she had a stroke like episode but there where no signs of actual stroke damage and she had started botox/steroid therapy in her spinal column for pain issues so there is suspicion that caused it, but because of a possible stroke they wont give estrogen. you get it. You said, So my question to the men here. My husband had 19 affairs. She does not like to give blow jobs or hand jobs, so I have to do it myself, jerking off and imagining sex with anyone. There is nothing sexier than seeing your man crazy! I couldnt relate to those feelings, but I was expected to understand them as a husband. I take it religiously, because it helps me in the gym and with mental clarity. Ive been led to believe Im the selfish one for thinking of leaving just over sex. Why is a mans focus so connected to his ability to use a womans body to empty the contents of his balls? Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. I decided to work the night shift and made it my thing. Its bad. She has a degree in journalism from Northwestern University, and shes been trained and certified by leading sex and relationship institutions such as The Gottman Institute and Everyone Deserves Sex Ed, among others. I work hard and have to masturbate sometimes to fall asleep. Sometimes, the answer to, My wife rejects me all the time and I dont know why, can be the simple fact that youre not taking care of yourself anymore. That said, you should also think about how youre trying to arouse your wife. Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. . For a short time shed schedule sex once a week whether or not she felt like itbut then menopause hit and sex dwindled again, diminishing to once or twice a year until we stopped having sex altogether. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. If you think your wife avoids intimacy because of an underlying condition, its best to seek medical help at the earliest. I can easily live without sex, but I cannot live without love. If done with the full knowledge of both partners, and always using safe sex, this would provide another solution to their dilemma.
My Wife Doesn't Touch Me Anymore (My Wife Is Not Affectionate To Me Never unfaithful. I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. Simply, and probably naively, the answer to your question is, NO, it is *not* my right, nor in any way acceptable. . I think Im in love and theres no turning back. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. We are wired so differently. Sex is over. I would suggest you try these because they will increase your natural produce of testosterone without the side effects you mention. Related Reading: How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating. Well, our partners dont seem to care they are hurting us. I do raise the issue with her from time to time. Im in ok shape, not overweight . I agree, there is more going on than just someone spending all their time doing other things. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. Youve both gone so long without sex together and without understanding each other that it isnt an easy fix. Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. })(); My NEW husband gets a hard on, loves me to give him oral sex but is not sexually attracted to me at all. Get your dose of relationship advice from Bonobology right in your inbox. s.src = 'https://EXAMPLE.disqus.com/embed.js'; Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. Weve been in counseling for a year. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. I read these comments and feel for all of you, especially the men who I share with of which I have similar experiences. What to about it: Have an earnest, exploratory conversation with each other about what sex means to you both as individuals, and then talk about how you can create a mutually satisfying sex life that works for both of you. I felt rejected at times, but I learned that what postpartum moms go through physically and emotionally is intense. Her work has been featured at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. It sounds like you need a little bad-boy edge to get her engine revving. 3. However, some comments are not welcome here as violations of our Comment Policy. My ex is 70; I am 63. we have been married about 22 years. This isnt totally new for him either. I Got tired of rejection and told her when she wanted to come find me she felt sorry for me and we tried sex toys and one was to big, hurt her but she tried but I could tell. I had a client recently who was so angry at her spouse, she said she didnt want to have any physical intimacy with her husband, If he wants to get divorced, let him get divorced, she said. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays.
Like I have a total stranger as a house guest. Ive tried all the normal things too. I havent had a BJ for about 20years, my wife wont even touch my penis so a HJ is out of the question too. As for porn, I dont mind it at all when he watches it (though he thinks I never see him), after all, we are all human and have drives and needs. She would never agree to an open relationship and I shouldnt be unhappy. Virtually every woman Ive been with, and there werent that many, experienced a lot of discomfort with me penetrating them no matter how gentle and slow I took it, with or without lube, and regardless of how excited they were). Youre guessing that your wife might have vaginal atrophy, but you dont know. Thats what hurts me is the constant rejection. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone.
And Im okay with that. Being in a sexless marriage is great, we havent had sex, intimacy togetherness for 40 years. Its incredibly painful!!!! Suggest to her that she will have control of the situation. It sounds like there are many many committed marriages but seemingly to unwise and probably unloving spouses. It may not really mean anything bigger at all. If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . Brilliant. It may sound strange, but I actually take some comfort out of reading other peoples comments and stories: I am not alone I also dearly love my wife and would never leave her, but a sexless life (10+ years) is the sad reality. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex. Just do it to make her feel good. Awful!!! Men are not brain dead. Especially if you once had a, One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. My (50m) wife (48f) and I had a great sexual relationship for most of our marriage. Yeah. Have some fun with someone now and then would help .. any reply on if cheating what to look at to find someone Where???? My wife never touches me anymore after weve had our child, Greg told us. If you would like to express a comment about Senior Planet locations or programs, please contact supporters@seniorplanet.org. Is your husband on HRT as well? But I noticed the past 3 years she has seldom initiated intimate relations, and I attribute that to she likes to use her ipad and play puzzle / word/ and brain teaser games and does surf her FB some. I said no. I told him I heard him doing that and I told him if he ever did that again I would divorce him.
My wife doesn't like to be touched anymore. Menopause? What do I do? I have always been an affectionate person and have given affection but not received in return for at least a year. Its a disturbing trap that you must avoid. From work deadlines to zoom meetings to bosses to deal with, teams to manage, kids to raise, meals to cook, chores to do, errands to run and the billion other things your wife has to handle, she may just be too exhausted to even think about sex. And he wonders why Im ill sometimes?? Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. For example, nonsexual touching, which includes kissing, cuddling, and hand-holding, can make people feel . Best to all. Whatever your wife is going through that causes you to think, My wife never initiates intimacy, is probably just as worrisome to her as it is to you. Sounds like case of no money no honey. Given the fact that 34%, (some studies say as high as 40%) of women and 15% of men dont like/want sex, is it any wonder that 50% of marriages end in divorce? If I wish to continue my marriage , I guess I should just accept the situation and carry the cross of feeling unsatisfied. so that leaves to so totally frustrated angry resentful and I hate to say it but it is beginning to I think turn to I hate her. Im affectionate and do everything, but Im tired So I turn to porn and search things that include wife. And thats where I get my relief. In all likelihood, you went the extra mile to dress up for her, look good, smell good and stay groomed in anticipation of getting some action. High blood pressure Please explain to me. So sorry to read this Pamela, Im in the same boat with my lovely wife, terribly depressing. Im in my 70s now and dont care any more, hes retired and works in his shop on cars mostly. Ohh my! We still find a way a couple of times a month, but it took my husband a long time to not feel he was at fault. Nor, is it a reasonable demand that you need (should) accept. Just need the fortitude to go. I cant believe a respected Sex Therapist has Keep Masturbating as an answer. Susan.I second Seans reply to you. Your wife never initiates physical contact - Sex feels like a chore Is your mind saying - "my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?" Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. My husband became disabled and had to quit his job. Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. She is 33. When it gone, its gone. The therapist totally forgot about me as my wife did. She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Our house is free and clear which is due to my earning a lot over 30 years and being conservative with money. We had enjoyed a lovely sex life, with the usual speed bumps (kids, work,etc) but we never stopped. Even with some ED we can still have a good orgasm..but she wont even touch me.. Im not a bad looking guy, and tend to her needs materially.. but sex is off the table. Do I disgust her? She doesnt like the image she sees in the mirror and that quells any sexual desire within. My wife of 43 years has no need for sex except very infrequently and then only quick missionary. She told me a few years ago that she felt sorry for me because of her lack of sexual desire. We have not slept in the same room for years because of his snoring. After everything a woman does in one day compare to what most lazy men would say. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. My hubby is one happy camper. I have had a suspicious breast biopsy. If your wife is struggling with mental health concerns, anxiety, or depression that are not being handled professionally, gently encourage her to talk with someone about how shes feeling. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. Living alone would reduce frustration of a non-response. So, I know my only option is accept this is my life from here on. I am talking about virtual reality and toys for Men like the flesh light, that can at least make the situation bearable. Sadly that BIG thing was Give Up Sex and just get over it. The last time we tried, she complained of the pain even with lubrication. 5. Take what you can, now. The sex was great but found I was working most years 2 jobs, supporting the house hold 3 kids. Oh my goodness you sound so defeated. Try a new sexual position, make more of an effort to engage in foreplay, or introduce new outfits or props into your sex life. All rights reserved. I started seeing sex workers. Huddle up with your wife and ask, If there were something you could change about our sex life, what would it be?. That last sentence got my attention. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. I would do just about anything to have a willing partner like you! Now, for the past several months, we go to bed together and after I have fallen asleep, he starts masterbating and the shaking of the bed awakens me. The nipple is not an on and off switch. I was in bed for a week with complications and ended up in the ER and the doctor said given my reactions my risk for stroke is 25% higher using Testosterone but I still get told I need to think of her and give it another try. Some are related to the pressures and demands of family life. It's not about love - you love him, no question. The first step is to communicate with your partner about what you think you might be lacking. Please, do us all a favor and retire from the one thing you SHOULD be retiring from-giving advice. At that time my job became demanding. 2. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! this.page.url = PAGE_URL; There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. He is always sitting alone. Do they shrink with age? My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. Cheers Rl. I think it is very selfish. If theres no intimacy in your marriage from your wife and youve realized that she may be suffering through mental health issues, Bonobologys panel of experienced therapists can help guide your partner through this turbulent time, and perhaps re-establish the harmonious relationship you yearn for. So I know him well, this is extremely painful and heartbreaking. Oh, and me driving the car, she has panic attacks and asks I dont drive. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. State your case to your partners. He is impotent due to hydrocele and he plans to have surgery until hes 65. I cant imagine a marriage/partnership where that wasnt the case. Most women who go through postpartum depression also find it increasingly difficult to get physically involved. But it should not stop like this as it hampering your life. ITS HIS POUTING and defeatist attitude! If it was the husband doing that wives would be screaming How dare You. Have affairs and visit escorts. Theres nothing wrong with giving yourself sexual pleasure. I am 53 and my wife is 55. What is the point of being married if there is no intimacy? But she is just not sexually attracted to me. I also think they pretend to be happy. For most women, sexual desire is fueled by romantic feelings for their partner. Haha it isnt always easy but I try to focus where we are in life. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. Both men and women lose sex drives some times, but with proper nutrition and exercise etc it can be reclaimed. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. I havent yet but I am going to find sex outside my home. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. My only suggestion would be to get out of this marriage and fast. Sex is a HUGE part of a marriage, are you kidding me? I realize that I really dont know your reasons for not wanting to be sexual with me whether it hurts you, or theres something Im doing or not doing. Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. BIG ZERO, NADA FOR 18 MONTHS NOW! Not getting the right treatment, not knowing how to deal with depression and then having the pressure to get into physical intimacy is not a good mix. She mentioned that I find a sex partnerI dont know. Wills comment is more true than not (and certainly not far from true). If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. I have always loved sex with my hubby, but after menopause, that all changed for the worse. Weve never had an argument about it, because Im always careful not to sound like Im accusing her. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. As I mentioned before, the lack of physical contact can be due to a myriad of reasons.. Stay single, young men, Marriage is not for you. Males are not embarrassed about describing a frigid or non sexual wife, but they will never mention their own lack of desire and often get angry if their partner inquires as to why? To send your questions directly to Joan, email sexpert@seniorplanet.org. My situation isnt as severe as many here. I have read here about mostly women who do not desire sex, but let me tell you, men not wanting or giving their female partners sex is an unmentionable crisis in our homes. He snores so he sleeps in his own bedroom. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. Here's her full guide to prioritizing sex as parents. Discuss it with her: Share this iMOM article with your wife and discuss it: 4 Things You Can Do When Youre Not in the Mood. Only your wife herself can tell you the exact reason why she's not interested in having sex with you. Not once does he try to get her off, he just rolls over and goes to sleep. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. If you search my wife wont touch me sexually, it may be time to stop thinking about sex and start thinking about dating. Perhaps, some counseling might even help. Pretty graphic stuff. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. So not. Be truthful. Start by considering and working through any and all interpersonal, emotional, and relationship issues. love him & my family and weve been married for 34 years & 5 years before that. As we age, women and men need to feel desired and appealing to our partners. But he keeps wanting to try and work on it and cant seem to accept that Im changing as I grow old. /* Hmmm. There has never been either emotional OR physical closeness beginning soon after the marriage. I dont want and will not ever get a divorce. She sleeps in the other room. We have talked and talked with and without therapist, but its just talk. Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. But I do it, why? Work and motherhood can be overwhelming, so instead of asking her for sex at the end of the day when youre both exhausted, start planning for it. I see my friend for an outing about 2X/month. That leads to no communication and uselessness. Some of it comes from knowing that your partner is unhappy," she writes at mbg. If your spouse has been going through such a patch, you must be a supportive husband post-pregnancy. I was reading the original story and that exactly my life. I did a lot of stuff that I thought would make things easier for her. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. Maybe have her read what you have posted here so she can see your pain all laid out with no interruptions like conversations can have when 2 people are both upset and talk at the same time. He doesnt even like to kiss. The guy is a magnet! Ya over 40 years with out not a problem. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. I actually stopped having sex with her last night because she told me to hurry up. I know we are very different people and and I am not trying to change her as much as letting her know the effects of being so distant and often dismissing my feelings yet I have to be totally responsive to her to keep her happy. Id like to hear how you feel. They can go months and years without sex and then the menopause hits and then theyre completely done. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. The scenario you posited is anything but. Now its Im sore there. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. It might be time for you to be more responsible and let your wife have some me-time. Pamper her with a spa day or take her out on a nice vacation for two, to break the monotony and give her the relaxation she truly needs and deserves. Youre describing my dilemma to a tee. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? Jack- SHe aint lost brother. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Join as many groups as you can, and leave him at home. Do you feel my wife never initiates intimacy? I love her but I need/miss sexual relations, which she's not into. Hi, Nice advice. There is no hope for this relationship. I end up feeling bad about this as I think I should not be obsessing about it as she often says. Sometimes a married woman isn't interested in having sex with her spouse because she's simply not in the mood right now. That killed it for me. We did have sex on occasion but we would go months in between, not my idea, finally he stopped and said he had no more interest or ambition to have sex.